How to install a virus in Fedora Linux.

People keep asking me why Linux is so hardened against viruses, so here’s what it would take to install a theoretical Fedora virus (Not that there are any):

NOTE: These steps are a joke! Do NOT do anything I say below!!!!!!!

It gets really boring just sitting there using your computer and watching it work, when you could be just like a Windows user and constantly running security software to try to fight the invading legion of really bad shit, usually failing anyway, and eating up RAM like it’s going the way of platform shoes.

Anyway, Windows users shouldn’t have all the fun, so here’s how you would need to kill a Fedora Linux computer.

1. Write a virus, but since it infects system files that are licensed under the GNU GPL, you have to license your virus under the GNU GPL, I prefer version 3 so Tivo can’t use it, and provide your source code in a CVS repository.

2. Set your Firewall to allow everything, you need to be root to do this, this should let the virus go merrily about it’s business knocking on other people’s TCP ports at random, just like most Windows worms.

3. Make sure the virus is compiled against all your current shared libraries, and that you use “Make check payable” to deposit all your money into the virus writer’s bank account.

4. Turn off SELinux policy enforcement, you need to be root to do this too and reboot when you’re done, now this will turn off the Mandatory Access Controls and let the virus interfere with components other than the one with a security hole, think of SELinux as like watertight doors on a ship, that slam shut when there’s a hull breach and keep the rest of the ship from sinking, yeah, well don’t let it get in the way of installing your virus!

5. Now to run the virus, you’ll probably have to be root, otherwise it can’t access any of your system files to infect them, very important that you give the virus permission to chew your system up and spit it out.

6. Turn off all your automatic security updates, you need to be root to do this, this will give the virus more than a 48 hour window with which to spread, very important, we should be good sports and give them a month or six to spread, just like on Windows.

7. Remember that if you’re just a user, you don’t have access to root, and need to check with your system administrator to make sure the virus is on the list of approved software.

8. NEVER EVER scan the file with an on-demand virus scanner like ClamAV before you run the installer. IMPORTANT!!!

9. Only use files from hundreds of untrustworthy websites, not just the 50,000 applications from trusted repositories from Fedora, and the community, we’ll get you in the Windows mentality yet!

Now sit back and watch the barrage of pornographic ads, rogue anti-malware pop-ups, and other stuff you loved so much on Windows.

Oh right, there aren’t any…..wonder why?